top of page

Learn 3 Skills to Making Great Connections

Updated: Nov 6, 2021

It's all about Connections, Connections, Connections! We hear some variation of this all the time - 'to make it in show biz you have to have the right connections.' I don't disagree. Connections, also known as relationships, are important and is one of the most vital aspect our lives, if not the most vital.

However, making a connection shouldn't have ulterior motives or it shouldn't be a means to get what you want in the end. It requires for you to have genuine care and desire the best for the person you are connecting with. Some folks network and make connections with the people who they think will help further their career. Unfortunately, with this motivation behind their actions, it's likely to fail, remain superficial, have limits or come off inauthentic. Connections or being connected has become this watered down method of networking in order to get what is wanted, a means to an end. Making true connections or being a connected person involves so much more of yourself and is much more valuable and worthwhile for both parties involved.

In this article you will learn about making real heart-to-heart connections and some tips on how to get started on accomplishing this in prospective or current relationships. This article is for people who care about building true relationships and are willing to take the risks involved and commit to this way of being. The benefits surely outweigh the cost. The more you work on these skills the better you will become and your intention and effort will not return void. Benefits can include, not only turning professional encounters into real relationships, but also deepen with people in your family, friends, co-workers and significant others. When you become a person who can make great connections, you can build strong relationships and be an impact in someone's life. You can also draw people to you.

Let's take is deeper.

What is a connection?

Dr. John Townsend, in his book Loving People, describes connection as "a heart-to-heart attachment that goes beyond knowing about someone to actually knowing that person."

We are designed for connecting and being connected to others in order for life to work. If we have learned anything in 2020 is that we are social beings who need to connect with each other to survive. However, real connection is how we thrive and truly feel alive. Hence, without real connections we are merely surviving. We may have people in our lives and in our surroundings and still feel alone and distant because real deep connections have not been established.

According to Townsend, truly connecting for deeper relationships require us to share certain things about ourselves such as: our feelings, dreams and desires, fears, failures, our past, and about what we know and experience about God and spirituality. However, people who don't know or face these aspects of themselves, can not share these aspects of themselves in relationship, which will hinder them and keep them in a disconnected state from people.

Connecting takes two. It's a give and receive transfer that exist between two people. You can do all you can to connect with someone and if that person is not willing or able to receive, appreciate your time or feel connected, is not your fault. It's up to them and you can't demand it. Let go of the expectation and know that it's not about you. If you find yourself not able to receive the care, love and connections with people in your world, here are a few tips:

  • Admit you have needs. We all need grace, acceptance, empathy, validation and understanding.

  • Asking others you trust for what you need. Asking and knowing that those around you benefit by giving you your request and you are not burdening them.

  • Taking it in, without resisting or hesitating by opening your heart and your emotions to what is being offered to you.

  • Using what was given to you to serve it's purpose and fuel your life in whatever capacity, positively. Don't let it go to waste, let it energize you, motivate you so you can extend the same care to someone else.

Connecting takes action, words and experiencing - from the heart. We can try to intellectualize how to build connections all day long, but without the heart involved, it's empty. Here are some tips to get started:

  • Take initiative to make contact with the person you want to care about and take initiative moving the conversation and relationship deeper.

  • Involve your emotions by moving from ordinary talk to your own emotional responses to what the person is saying. This is about empathy. According the Townsend, empathy involves a way you identify with the other persons experience or feelings and allow yourself to feel it yourself, as much as possible. Get in there with them, their viewpoint, their emotions and their values. People usually will converse about their families, jobs, and activities. These are get openings into a more deeper conversations. People will connect over their opinions, values and observations.

  • Suspend your point of view and enter the world of the other person. This will not feel natural, as it may be tempting to correct someone else's misinformed viewpoint. This aspect of connecting is spiritual, it's loving, it's putting aside yourself for the time being and exploring the experience of someone else. Be present and curious about the person.

Remember this is a heart thing that fuels our doing, saying and experiencing with another person.

Your potential for true connections with someone can open your world up to deeper relationships, make a difference in someone else life by doing good, bridge the gap of isolation that so rampant in our society today, and can have domino effect beyond your lifetime. There is a bigger goal here then to meet and greet for the sake of furthering your career. It's humanizing the mainstream mindset that business should be saturated with brief, superficial and selfishly motivated interactions. Go beyond the ordinary and be extraordinary. You can do it. In a world where more and more of our connection efforts are transmitted through technology, how do we then develop deeper connections? Or what if you've been hurt and have so much pain that you feel you can't build relationships anymore? Subscribe to this blog to stay up to date on upcoming articles, resources and tips about connecting and more.

To learn more about connecting and loving people check out this book referenced in this article.

Until next time.

Natalie Amey

If you found this article helpful, please subscribe , and share with your friends.

bottom of page